Spideypool Domestic Meme
by ThanksIllPass
Summary: a drabble for every domestic meme prompt i was able to find


**who is the big spoon/little spoon**:

Every morning Peter wakes up wrapped tightly around Wade, curled in fetal position, and every time he can't help but smile at the memory of Wade's pathetic attempts at convincing Peter, during their first night together, that he was the best big spoon Peter had ever met. He presses even closer then, wriggling his arms under Wade's and locking them around his chest, kissing and biting the scarred neck lazily until Wade starts to grumble and elbows Peter in the ribs. Peter doesn't really mind that much, because Wade's mouth are talented in apologizing in more than one way.

**what is their favorite non-sexual activity**:

Sometimes Peter thinks he and Wade have nothing in common, and it's not a bad thing; opposites attract and all that. But sometimes he wishes they had something they both love to talk about and do together. It seems to him that playing video games is not enough of a common interest to base a relationship on. But then they go out on the streets to kick some criminal asses and they have so much _fun, _that it hits Peter like a ton of bricks. Because this is it. It's not ideal, far from it; endangering your life should not even be considered a couple activity. But this is it for them. And it's perfect.

**who uses all the hot water in the morning**:

Wade has a plan, and a good one, too. Both boxes agree, go ahead and ask them. You see, Wade very much likes showering with Peter. _Very much_. But Peter seems to see it as a waste of time and a unnecessary distraction, especially on the mornings when Wade keeps him in bed longer then is reasonable. And that's just_cold_, isn't it. So Wade decides to scarifies all of his principles and get in the shower before Peter every morning. And stay there for a really long time. Because nothing convinces a man to shower with his boyfriend more than a cold shower alone.

**what they order from take out**:

"What do you want to order, Wade?" Peter asks.

"Tacos," says Wade matter-of-factly, not lifting his eyes from the TV, and Peter sighs heavily.

"Why do I even bother?"

"You're a man of high hopes and great expectations, Petey. You're not afraid to dream. That's what I love about you. Extra hot sauce, baby boy, don't forget."

Peter huffs, annoyed, and then smirks before dialing. "Hi, I would like to order Szechuan Chicken Wings and…"

**what is the most trivial thing they fight over:**

"Peter, I want you to know I feel horrible. My heart is bleeding and my soul will never know peace again. I have failed you as a friend, as a partner, as a fellow human being. I honestly don't know what I could possibly do to make things right again. I know that couples fight. I know we both said things we didn't mean, and I know we both threw some unexpectedly painful punches, but I also know this whole thing is my fault, that I started it. So I need you to forgive me, Petey, can you do that? Will you ever? Please, say you will."

"I need more time, Wade. Do you understand? _It's Mario Kart_."

**who leaves their stuff around**:

It's the middle of the night and Peter wakes up with a indescribable, yet undeniably unsettling, feeling. He is on his way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water when his spidey-sense kicks in, but doesn't prevent him from tripping over Wade's boots and nearly impaling himself on a katana. He curses under his breath, but then he realizes what this means. Wade is back. Peter unceremoniously turns the lights on and sees Wade, sleeping on the couch, face smashed against the cushion, snoring lightly. He seems unhurt, just exhausted, so Peter sighs, relieved, and starts to pick Wade's things from the floor.

**who calls up the landlord when the heat's not working**:

Peter is warm and comfortable, wrapped in Wade and a blanket, and he can't help remembering one awfully cold winter night, when the heat stopped working. They were wrapped in each other and every blanket they had but the cold was still unbearable. The landlord wasn't answering the phone or the door. After one particularly violent chill shook Peter's body, Wade cursed and flung out of the apartment. By the time he came back, Peter could feel the warmth slowly filling the apartment. Now, whenever the heat's not working, Wade only has to bang in the pipes. Peter is sure he doesn't want to know.

**who steals the blankets**:

See, Wade is a blanket thief, and he isn't ashamed to admit it. But not in the sense y'all probably think. No sir, because hogging the blankets for himself while his partner is freezing is straight up untoward. Wade is a man of honor, questionable one undeniably, but a honor nonetheless. No, Wade actually _steals_ the blankets from Peter. Sometimes he gives them to the poor, sometimes he pisses on them and sends them to Weasel. You think it's too fucked up even for Deadpool? Then, obviously, what you sad little virgins never had in your bed was a Spider-Man using you _as_ a blanket.

**who does most of the cleaning**:

Wade doesn't really do any cleaning around the house, but not for the lack of good intentions. He would really like to help Peter out, but the thing is, whenever he tries, he just makes more mess. It's true! He's not even fucking around, it just _happens_! For someone so skilled in combat he can be a real disaster when given a vacuum. Peter has given up on him a long time ago. And Wade would probably be upset, but there are some benefits to just sitting around and trying not to get in Peter's way. Such as pretty excellent view of Peter's ass when he's scrubbing the floor.

**who remembers to buy the milk**:

Every morning Peter checks the fridge to see if there's any milk. It's a rule. It's just a thing Peter has to do. Because with great Deadpool for a boyfriend comes great responsibility to buy milk. It's not that he has to remember about it because Wade will forget and there won't be any milk. No, he has to remember about it because Wade will forget and he will _make_ milk. And it's all good if you just say you made milk because you added water to the remainder of it. But it's Deadpool we're talking about. And somehow Peter doesn't think he means that when he says he made milk _at all_.

**who remembers anniversaries**:

"Wow, Wade, you made something other than pancakes for breakfast, what's the occasion?" Peter teased, cutting up his scrambled eggs. Wade looked at him with utter disbelief and Peter's stomach dropped. Did he forget about something? Peter could swear their anniversary was two months ago, he remembers the celebratory sex, that was _not_ a thing one could forget, so it's just not possible. Still, Wade looks devastated, so Peter must have forgotten about _something_. "Uh. Did I… forget about something?"

"It's been three weeks since we had sex on the kitchen sink, Peter, _how could you!_"

**who is more dominant:**

Peter's friends all seem to think that Wade wears the pants in their relationship. And who can blame them? When all they ever hear are stories about how Wade made Bob board a pirate ship with him. As a _parrot_. And Peter's so _nice_. He's kind and caring, he always puts others before himself. But the truth is, Wade loves nothing more than Peter turning off the TV, ignoring his protests, and pushing him down the couch to have his sexy acrobatic way with him. The truth is, Peter loves the way Wade just _gives in_ to him, surrenders completely, lets Peter take _control_.

**nicknames for each other:**

Wade uses many nicknames for Peter. Usually, he calls him Petey, or Spidey. Simple as that, just not to call him Peter or Spider-Man, just to show him he's something _more_ to him. Sometimes, when Peter needs to be brought down to earth, he'd call him web head. Other times, when Peter needs to be convinced, he'd say baby boy. But he doesn't really call Wade anything other than Wade. Sometimes he worries about it, wonders what it means, not to have a pet name for his boyfriend. But then again, when you think about it, Wade should be grateful Peter doesn't call him names all the time.

**who cooks normally:**

The way Wade sees things, Peter gives him _everything_. He makes Wade feel safe and at peace, feel wanted and loved. And no matter what Peter says, Wade isn't stupid; he knows he doesn't have much to offer. So he does little things, like cooking. And he may only really know how to make pancakes and tacos, but he'll cook everything. He may be horrible at it, but he always makes sure Peter comes home from work to a meal, no matter how poorly prepared. And he knows Peter appreciates it, he can tell by the way Peter smiles, even if they end up throwing everything out and ordering take out.

**what do they do when they're away from each other:**

Peter is used to being away from Wade. He takes off on a job for a few days all the time. Peter may not approve of it, but he accepts it. Of course, he worries. So he distracts himself from thinking too much. He visits Aunt May, he goes out with Harry and Gwen. Still, alone at night, he can't help but think about Wade. He can feel his stomach tighten unpleasantly and he laughs at himself. Because, really, it's ridiculous. He knows _Wade can't die, _that there's _no point_ in worrying. And Wade tells him that much when he calls at 3 a.m., failing miserably at initiating phone sex.

**who is the cuddler:**

They're sitting on the couch; Peter's reading a book, and Wade flips mindlessly through channels, just to finally turn the TV off, huffing in annoyance. Peter hums absentmindedly, pleased with the lack of distracting white noise, not lifting his eyes from the book. For something that takes him by surprise, it's pretty unsurprising, that Wade starts trying to wriggles himself between Peter and the book without interrupting Peter too much. Peter smiles at the pitiful attempt and lifts his arms, and when Wade is comfortably wrapped around his torso, he goes back to reading.

**how often do they fight:**

One would assume that with the way they both are, Peter and Wade fight a lot. And one would be right. They fight _all the time_. They fight about the little things, and about important ones. They fight when they don't really want to, and when they itch for it. Sometimes they fight to _hurt_, sometimes just to have make up sex later. They fight in all seriousness or just for kicks. They fight with all they have, or they fight halfheartedly. They probably have more fights than they have sex. And they have sex _a lot_. Countless reasons, countless ways, and they fight. But they're still standing.

**who is the dirty talker:**

Peter dares say he and Wade have a great sex life. There aren't many things that they haven't tried at least once. But Peter isn't too keen on dirty talk. Because, let's be honest, no definition of dirty talk could come even close to Deadpool's. Let's face it, there is no dirty talk on _Golden Girls,_ and Wade doesn't really have that much experience. He doesn't know how it's done. And as every other nine year old, where Wade goes looking for answers is the internet. So forgive Peter if he gets uncomfortable when his dick is being referred to as a _yogurt slinger_. Seriously.

**what would they get each other for gifts:**

"What do I give Peter for his birthday?"

**Tacos.**

_Pancakes._

"How about something more… I don't know… special?"

**Blowjob.**

_Rimjob._

**what would they do if the other one was hurt:**

Wade would like to say that he would kill anyone who'd hurt Peter. He probably would, were it not for the fact that Peter would hate him forever; he would never forgive him. So, no. Wade doesn't avenge any wound inflicted on Peter. No. He tends to the wound. Just like Peter, who always makes sure that Wade is okay, that he's healing nicely, that's he comfortable and feels safe. That he doesn't do it alone. Wade still isn't as caring and gentle as he would like to be, but he's getting there. He's already learned that more pillows and kisses is better than more painkillers.

**who is more likely to pay for dinner:**

Peter usually pay for everything. It's not easy, far from it; some months they barely make it. But he never asks Wade for money. And Wade knows perfectly well why – he doesn't want his blood-stained money. And Wade isn't good at remembering as important stuff like bills, so he can't beat Peter to it; he can't just force Peter to take the money, even if he wants to. But he can trick Peter into accepting them sometimes. Accidentally "forget" to take the money Peter left him for shopping. Or elbow Peter on the way to the door and pay the taco delivery boy first.

**who cusses more:**

To say that Wade has a foul mouth doesn't cut it. He swears like it's an _art; _he's the Dali of swearing, a true genius. At first Peter was taken aback, shocked. He hasn't heard such language from any met villain, not even from _Logan_. Then it became funny. Because Wade would swear in situations where swearing just seemed ridiculous, like tripping over bunny slippers or sobbing over an early 70s TV show. And somehow, somewhere along the way, it became a huge turn on. Because there is nothing sexier than hearing Wade say, "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, that's gorgeous."


End file.
